Jealousy is a strong and common emotion for many people in this world. Shakespeare used to call it the ‘green-eyed monster’, and in my belief this is true; it really is something that can eat you up inside.
I think one of the biggest mistakes everybody out there can make is to dismiss the cause of jealousy. The person you love does not act in order to make you jealous (well, maybe sometimes they do, but anyways); s/he acts and you get jealous in relation to that. It is one’s own lack of self-confidence.
I, personally, am a very jealous person. I am waaay too envious and get caught up in all these thoughts like, “ok, but she sees that I love her” or “why does she feel the need to do this if she has me?” or “doesn’t she see how she hurt me like that?”
These are things you create in your little head. If you cannot accept how they appear to unintentionally hurt you, you need to talk about it.
Let me give you a tip from a situation I messed up before in the past. Instead of saying, “Your actions make me”, say, “I felt …”.
You are trying to express to the person you love that you are hurt and not that you hate them for something they did/do. Relationships can grow through the realisation that you have to fight through jealous thoughts and not bicker with the people you get jealous feelings over.
I am still in this process; I am still fighting my jealousy because I think I am not as good or not as handsome in comparison to other guys, or whatever. But at the end of the day, who are you together with? And why is this person with you and not with anyone else?
Because you are good. There are lots of good things about you, and the person you are with knows that as well – otherwise they wouldn’t stay together with you, simple.
Let me give you the last piece of advice from this topic. Jealousy is something YOU create, so YOU are the only one that can overcome it. Think about the feeling of how it is impossible for you to even consider being involved with somebody else, and think that your loved one (in most cases) actually feels that way AS WELL. That is the first step for you to realise that jealousy won’t give you anything, but those annoying voices in your head.
I’ve never really been the jealous type. That’s not to say I don’t believe in competition, which I think is the eventuality of any ‘jealous’ feelings I may oppress. I use my concerns to think how I can constantly better myself and be the best version of me that I can possibly be. But I’m certainly not a worrier about hypothetical misdemeanours.
What I mean is that I don’t feel the need to constantly ask the other person where they’re going, whom they’re going with and what they’re doing. If I trust that person, I wouldn’t feel the need to have such anxious thoughts and bitter feelings if, for example, they’re hanging out with a bunch of girls.
If a person wants to cheat, they cheat. I feel like it’s not something you can prevent, which is why there’s no point accumulating envious thoughts into your head, because it might not even be the case that your beloved is being unfaithful. If it happens, it happens and it’s ultimately their fault – you’re not to blame. Thus, why should you feel jealous of the people your other half is hanging out with? If they treat you, as you ought to be treated, there is no need to build on weird thoughts. Don’t they always say that overthinking leads to negativity?
But I do agree that jealousy is the cause of much misunderstanding in relationships and it can be only down to the individual to work on their feelings. Sometimes jealousy isn’t even caused by insecurity; it can be caused my multiple factors, and I do think it depends on the type of relationship that you’re in. Furthermore, I think that jealousy should not be confused with possessiveness; while I admit I have experienced a tiny bit of jealousy in the past, by no means have I ever been the possessive type – being possessive is rooted much deeper into insecurity issues, I think.
At the end of the day, all I can conclude is: you know you’re in a truly comfortable relationship when you hardly get jealous at all.